Out of the past

I’m doing a lot of thinking about how this all started. I don’t recall being anxious as a kid, but maybe I didn’t have a word for it then.

Or maybe my brain has just finally had enough.

My shaman has asked me if I my parents have suffered any trauma. It’s a legitimate question but one I can’t answer. Growing up during the war I imagine that they did. Did those wounds heal? I don’t know. Maybe the traumas came even before them.

This is not something I would have ever considered before now. I have enough of my own traumas to account for my anxiety and depression thank you very much. But the more the I read about ancestral trauma there more I think, ‘ya we might be onto something here’.

Ancestral trauma/transgenerational trauma is the idea that unhealed issues are passed down through generations. They show themselves in repeated patterns for as long as they remain unhealed. And they can manifest in the physical and psychological. So, for me, I would look to my siblings and parents and grandparents (that’s as far back as my family has kept track) for something that we all share. A pattern.

Have I found anything? I think I have. A trait passed down from my grandmother. Silence. The women in my family tend to keep their feelings hidden so as not to cause conflict.

Recognizing it is only part of the process of course. They say that our ancestors will only call on those they feel are strong enough to heal the past. But before the healing of family can start one must do much healing of oneself. I know I still got a lot of that to do. I am honoured though. My ancestors have faith in me. Meaning I should have faith in me.

And I do. No matter what the reason for what and who I am I know I can survive it. And thrive.