The bad days. The days I know to lock myself away. Those are the days that I see or hear something that puts my brain into overdrive. It’s there right now. As I write this.
Today I saw friends get engaged. Today I saw friends gush about their pregnancy. I am happy for them. I am sad for me. At least I am honest about it.
These are the days I feel I have failed at this life thing.
Give me any trial or tribulation and I will over come it, but I cannot do something as human as have a relationship. Any relationship. It’s one of my failings. And one of my triggers. Because I should know how to do human things. Doing human things shouldn’t make your heart race with dread. You shouldn’t have to overthink what you’d like to say. You shouldn’t panic that you’ve said the wrong thing or too much. Being human should be peaceful and joyful. And be filled with love.
Today I failed at being human.