I’m selfish. I admit it. I pretend that I’m not. It’s what I’m supposed to do. I’m supposed to be love and light and all things good. I am not. I am a whole lot of dark shit that I’ve repressed because I thought it was bringing me down.
I let myself be convinced by bullshit I see online that my negatives were killing me.
Truth is we need those things. I need them. We’re not whole without them. Light & dark, good & evil. You understand what I’m getting at.
There is a term for this side of us. Shadow Self. Look it up if you don’t believe me.
We talk about self love and being authentic. You’re not authentically you if you’re denying half of yourself.
Anger, jealousy, fear, vengeance, lust. I feel all those things.
That’s not to say I allow myself to indulge in these. But I do acknowledge them. When I don’t I feel like a liar, a pretender. And that’s when the sadness sets in. I have to be honest with myself about who I am. That’s when I feel like me. That’s when I sleep well and anxiety is not waking me at 3am.
I am good.
I am bad.
I’m ok with all of it.
Though honestly, I kinda like my bad self a little bit better 🙂