I suck at journaling

I have so much going on, but you’d never know it by looking at my life. I wake up, go to work, go to the gym, come home, get ready for the next day and go to bed. See? Mundane right? If you look inside, however, you’ll see something much different.

While I sleep I’m having vivid and bizarre dreams. I’m learning to learn from them. During the day I’m listening to myself and my teachers more than ever before. I’m planning and creating my art, my medicines, my life. Lifting is now a way to keep strong for what I know is coming. And home is quiet time for meditation and study.

I’ve changed and I’m so ok with that. I don’t worry about things I used to be so concerned with. Things like food. I eat what I want. Sometimes I am a bad vegetarian. That’s ok too. My body says have chicken today. So I’m having chicken. I’m definitely not eating as much. One, because I don’t have to. And two, because I have guilt over having so much when so many people have so little. I’ve struggled with that for years. Bodybuilders are so blessed. We take for granted our diets. Parts of the world would be happy with just one of our meals.

Then there’s my ‘spiritual’ self. I use quotes because I don’t feel I am spiritual, but I don’t have a better word for it. Whatever you call it I’m working on it. And I’m called to look deeper and go further into myself. It’s not easy. There are obstacles and challenges. Decisions and sacrifices to be made. But I know I’m headed in the direction meant for me at this time in my life. I’m looking forward to what’s ahead. It’s new and unlike anything I’ve ever done.

Speaking of….time for some meditation. I’m at 12mins a day. I’m not good at it yet, but I’m told it takes a long time to get good. Practice. And I do have time for that.

To whoever might read this, I wish you well. Many blessings to you

A

Xox

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