*wish I had had some. Anyway…..
It’s been a really weird day. My brain and my heart have been all over the place. I woke up feeling like…well, like nothing.
I have these plans and dreams ya know. But they seem so distant. I keep reminding myself that I just gotta keep working. It’ll happen. But sometimes I feel like I’m running out of time.
At one point today I realized it was too late for something. It’s not something I ever wanted but it hit me anyway. Some post I saw somewhere about kids. It pulled at my heart. I’m at the age where children are unlikely. Like I said, not something I ever wanted. But knowing that that part of my life is over kinda got to me. Did I miss out on something? I’ll never know I guess.
But ends are beginnings right? It’s a new time for me. I’m free. I can do as I choose. Go where I choose. And going is on my mind a lot. For a long time now I’ve felt like I belong somewhere else. Doing something else. I wonder if anyone else feels like that?
And how do I do it? How did everyone else do it? Can you just up and leave with bills to pay and without a place to actually hang your hat? Should I cash in my retirement savings and just say fuck it and go? It’s tempting. But am I ready?
Fuck I hate not knowing. And maybe that’s exactly what I need.