I have a tell.
I want to shave my head.
That’s my tell.
That is my sign to the people I talk to.
When my mental health is suffering shaving my head is one of the first things I think about. And that’s a big deal.
I have a lot of hair. Even with half of my head shaved already I still have a lot of hair. Not gonna lie. It’s good hair.
My hair is part of my identity. It shouldn’t be, but it is. It’s not unusual to be described by my hair.
To be honest I really do love my hair. So it’s interesting and confusing to me why it’s the first thing I think about when my brain is not playing nice.
How would shaving my head help me?
Seriously. I’m asking this question because I don’t know the answer.
This past week I thought about it again. Normally the thought is fleeting, but this time I called my stylist and told her to cancel my colour appointment.
She’s been with me through my depression so she’s never shocked when I have these moments. She’s a fellow mental health sufferer too so she understands.
So now I’m one step closer to hacking it all off. I get anxious when I think about it. Then I remember the quote, “If it scares you it might be a good thing to do”.
Will I be healed? Unlikely. BUT maybe it’s time to get rid of something that is no longer of use to me. I mean really, why am I hanging on to hair? Maybe a drastic change is what I need in my life?
If you want change you must change correct?